Apparently this is the season of my life where I question things and experience difficulty. I am a slight mess this evening. All this time alone in my apartment makes for lots of time to think, reflect, and ponder. It all seems to center around the choices I've made in my life that define who I am. I feel like God has called me to be set apart and to live my life in a way that counters the popular decisions of those around me. My purpose seems to be to do the opposite of what everyone else is doing.
So let me just break some things down for you...
*First kiss on my wedding day (not exactly a popular choice, nor easy, and good luck trying to find a guy who is ok with that...HA!)
*Quit college (not even a choice I ever thought I would have to make, good luck finding a decent job and having a sound future)
*Moving cross country ALONE (single, 21, don't know anyone, just do it...WHY???)
Let's just say that these are the ones I'm dealing with the most right now. I also want to say that these are not necessarily choices I wanted to make. God has placed these things on my heart, though, and made them very important to me. What would my life be without them? ...probably normal...
My next question then is...would I be ok with just normal? ...probably not...
So...why does it suck so bad when people judge me for my unpopular decisions?
Living a life set apart is not an easy task. If you want to live a comfortable life where nothing extraordinary happens, then don't choose the path I have chosen. BUT...if you want to live a life of adventure and mystery, then by all means, travel the road that no one else walks on. Branch out on your own. Be willing to leave everything behind and trust in the only one who will always be there for you...GOD!
Yes...people will judge you! Yes...it will be hard! Yes...you will have days where, like me, all you want is to be normal again! BUT...will your life be about you or God in the end?
I want my life to be more about God than myself in the end because then I know I sacrificed myself for something more important. I don't really matter in the grand scheme of things...and no offense, but neither do you! God has called us to something greater...a life of worship and adoration! To make His name great and who cares if anyone remembers your name or mine.
So I guess my problem this evening is that I have let what others have to say get to me. It really doesn't matter what they think or how they react to my choices. No one HAS to respect my decisions. I will continue to follow where my heart takes me...popular or not...and nothing else should matter. Opinions, judgements, comments, or criticisms should not affect me. The approval of my God is all that matters!