When people look at me, what do they see?
When I look in the mirror, what do I see?
There have been many times in my life that I have looked in the mirror and encountered questions and fears. I have looked into eyes of anger and hurt, depression, suffering, sadness, compassion. Other times I am confronted with joy and peace.
Each phase of life brings in new emotions, always reflected in the eyes. As I look in my eyes today, I see something new that I haven't seen before in myself. I no longer see a young, single, twenty something who is searching for her place in life. I see a growing woman, maturing beyond her expectations. I see a boldness and peace in her eyes. I see determination.
I surveyed my life in one quick and simple glance. I made eye contact with myself and had to ask some hard questions. What is my purpose? Do I really know what I am doing? Am I where I should be? How does this shift from kid to adult affect who I am? How do I find the balance? What kind of job can I get to incorporate my personality and passions, and allow me to thrive? If that job exists, will it pay the bills? What else could happen to me? Where is my life really headed? ... ... ... the list could go on forever... and most will remain unanswered. The encouragement comes in knowing that I don't have to know all the answers to continue being me and living my life with purpose.
I know that my life was meant to bring glory to the one who created me. I am one tiny speck among billions and where do I come off, at any point, in thinking that it's all about me? Who am I that I might think I deserve a plethera of blessings and someone else does not? No, I do not deserve them, but welcome them as a testimony to how my God provides. One day may come when I no longer own anything and I can be encouraged, when I look back on my life, to see all the wonderful things that God did.
I can not come close to expressing the gratitude that I feel towards all those who have helped me so far in my journey of life. I would not even know what to say or how to pay it back. And truly, it wasn't meant to be repaid. So for those who have prayed, donated, assisted, or just loved...THANK YOU!!
There are so many questions that will always linger, but tonight I took a good long look and searched myself for the truth. I needed to know on a deeper level, my motives and my purpose. I am about to be on my own for the very first time and as much as it scares me, I'm ready! This almost feels like the end of my story, but truly it is the beginning of another. The journey to independence has turned it's last page and a new book is about to be opened. Sorry, but I'm not sure what the title is yet! What I can say though, is that even if the stories aren't as outrageous and jawdropping as the previous ones, they are still important to share and worthy of praising God for.
Saturday is moving day! Hello new phase in life! :)
"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, 21to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21 (ESV)