Let's just say that the past two weeks have had several ups and even more downs. I have been an emotional mess. For those of you who know me well, this comes as no surprise. Between stress at work and the loneliness and failures of life on my own, I have been pretty discouraged. This transition gets harder and harder every day. The excitement has worn off and now reality has set in.
If life didn't seem hard enough, I went and added some spiritual pains to the mix. I didn't make God a priority and my attitude has suffered. Discouragement, loneliness, doubt, and failure pulled me down and I allowed it to gain ground in my life. But, I'm taking that ground back. I am determined to make God a priority again. I am making the conscious decision to spend my day with God each and every morning. It's difficult to remember every day, but I'm working at it. Each time I get into my car, the Christian radio is playing and that usually helps me remember.
I think the hardest thing for me is not having a close friend who understands me. I have many friends and I'm so thankful for them, but I am still lacking that best friend who will make spending time with me a priority. I have those friends in other places, but I need one here in Austin. It's still a hard transition and making friends is more difficult in "real life."
I have to just keep trusting that God knows what He is doing with me. Even though I feel like an alien, I know that God is with me no matter what happens. The disciples were sent out and often felt rejected and lonely. That is a little encouraging...but it doesn't make the rejection and loneliness feel better. It's good to know that I'm not the only one feeling this way though. I'm not the first and I won't be the last.
At this point in time, I don't really have anything else to write. I realize that even what I did say was kinda blah and uninspiring. Nevertheless, I felt the need to share. I wish it could have been more insightful and jawdropping. I guess every post can't be dropped dead hilarious or profound.
I'm going to add some words that I wrote a year ago. They are not how I'm feeling right now, but sometimes it's nice to look back. Plus, if any of you are feeling this way, then I want you to know that there is hope and you're not alone. I can remember the night that I typed these words and it was definitely a difficult one. It was also a turning point in my life. It's cool to look back when I questioned my future and see how clueless I really am about life. I'm at a place where I don't even think about it that much because I'll never figure it out. It will just happen and I have to take one day at a time. Anyway...my writings from a year ago...