During the summer, while making preparations to return to school in the fall, I realized that I did not have the money that I needed to make it work. I wasn't worried though because I knew that God would provide for me and make it all work out. I was supposed to go to school, I was sure of it. I mean, why would God take you to college and not allow you to finish right? Well, I returned home August 16th and could not sleep. All of the financial stress smacked me in the face and I took some time to tell God all about it. I then began asking Him some questions that I just needed answered...
"How are you going to provide for me? Where is the money going to come from? Do I need more loans?"...etc.
Suddenly, I realized that maybe I was asking the wrong questions.
"Ok, now what? What do I ask instead God?" (long pause and a big gulp)..."am I supposed to go back to school?"
My stomach felt like it had dropped 100 feet and done somersaults all the way down. I knew instantly the answer to that question was no...and my first reaction was panic.
"Ok, God! Real funny! So if I don't go back to school, then what?"
I then began making a mental list of all the places where I knew people that would be willing to help me get my feet on the ground and start for real life on my own. As I went through each city and name, I felt a solid NO for each of them.
"God, I don't understand...where do you want me to go? I just can't think of anywhere else to go!"
I was then reminded of a church in Austin, Texas that I had made connections with at camp this summer. They were such wonderful people and I was sure that I would take my internship for school there. As soon as the thought popped into my mind, my stomach turned again and I knew that God had just set me up for an adventure that I never would have imagined for myself. I charged into my mother's bedroom slightly crying...
"Mom, are you awake? I have something I need you to be praying about! I realize that I am supposed to go back to school this weekend but I don't think God wants me to go back. I think I'm moving to Austin, Texas. Got it? Ok, good night!"
And I darted back to my room and went to bed! The rest of that week, things began falling into place and our prayers seemed to be answered that Texas was the place for me.
I made the decision the night before I was supposed to leave to move back into the dorm at school. I still went to Knoxville to withdraw, grab some things from storage, and say hi and good bye to all of my wonderful friends who had encouraged me through so much. Of course not everyone was on board, and a couple of people questioned that I was doing the right thing. Although it may have hurt a little, I expected resistance...I mean, if this is really God's plan then the devil doesn't want it to work out and he will do what he can to discourage.
the water before hurricane Rita
So that leads me to today...the now...the calm before the storm! I have been quite discouraged and lonely thinking about all of my friends back at school with the new semester and great plans ahead of them. On top of that, I don't seem to receive as many texts and messages as before when everyone was bored in the summer and had nothing better to do than write ridicoulous things on each other's walls! :) Anyway, the point is that I have been feeling neglected and forgotten...but I realized that it's just the enemy trying to get me down.
God showed me today that being in Indiana for two weeks doesn't have to be a bummer and annoying. God can use this time to replenish my heart and spirit and prepare me even better for the roller coaster adventure that lies ahead of me. It isn't going to be easy and I need to just enjoy the time I have in quiet and adoration of my God. Sometimes it is so hard for me to sit still, especially when I know that something big is coming up...but I need the stillness to prepare myself for that big leap sometimes! God is so good!
So that's where I am...enjoying the quiet and pressing in closer to my Daddy knowing that He will take care of the rest! It is a wonderful feeling of peace to just trust in His plan and know that He is preparing things in advance for me...all I have to do is go when the time is right! What a GREAT and AWESOME God we serve!! :)
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